“What
do you want to be when you get older?” This simple question has the power to
evoke more emotions in the average American teenager than a Pretty Little Liars
season finale, or a March Madness upset. For all my life I’ve been asked this
question over and over; however, there comes a point when the whole “first
doctor-lawyer-ballerina in space” answer doesn’t quite cut it anymore. I’m
there. I’m older. A high school graduate. An adult. Ever since I was little, I dreamed I’d just wake up one day
and it would hit me like magic; I would go from being a naïve little kid to a career
woman. I thought I would graduate from high school as Valedictorian, go to my dream
Ivy League school, become a doctor, save the world, get married, have a dream
house, and vacation in my free-time on my private island by the age of 25. I planned,
dreamed, hoped, and soon came to expect every golden thing ever conjured up in
my mind. Funny how life works. You can plan, dream, hope, and expect something all
you want, but in the end, things don’t always go the way you plan.
You
can be like me and have your life planned out - all the way to graduate school and
your pediatric residency - by the time you are in eighth grade, only to have
everything you expected fall completely apart at the last second of senior
year. In an instant I have become the archetypal high school graduate I worked
so hard to avoid- the one who has no clue what to do with the rest of their
life or who they even are, for that matter. How do you go from seemingly having
all the answers and the plan to having nothing- not even time- to go back and
change a thing? Some say I should be thankful that my every dream and plan hopelessly crashed and burned at the last
minute, maybe they’re right; however, I think my story of disappointments
persuades them to give cheap advice to make up for their lost dreams and plans
in the midst of their current mediocrity. Then again, maybe I’m just bitter.
Either
way, here I am at midnight, writing about what my life has become- or hasn’t
become- all while psychoanalyzing Taylor Swift lyrics. Which, oddly enough,
brings me back to the question I posed at the beginning of this teenage girl’s
angst-filled soliloquy: “What do you want to be when you get older?” I used to
be able to quote my answer to this question front and back, “I want to become a
pediatric nurse practitioner and start my own medical empire. I want to get my
BSN degree from the University of Tennessee, my DNP from Vanderbilt, work at
the Monroe Carrel Jr. Children’s Hospital and save a life.” Now my answer is,
“I just want to be happy.” Perhaps it’s horribly selfish of me to change my
dream from saving a life to focusing on myself, but I think it’s time I do
something truly for my own good.
So
whether you see me in ten years wearing the white lab coat I have always gushed
about wearing or you see me writing my two sense about some irrelevant topic in
an unread magazine, know that I am happy. My shattered dreams and plans have
given me a new outlook on life. Whatever I choose to do, wherever I chose to
go, whoever I chose to be will be focused on positive things. I refuse to be
motivated by money, fame, social standings, or anything else detrimental to me;
I want to be motivated by my passion and true inspiration for something. I plan
on making mistakes and I know that this will be the most difficult thing I have
ever done; however, I am hard-headed, stubborn, and more determined than ever
and nothing is going to stop me from achieving whatever dream I decide. So, I’m
finally beginning to realize that I don’t have to all the answers to be happy
(although having answers is always good); all I need is to know who I am.
With
that being said, I am Rebecca Dunmore, Somerset Christian Class of 2014
Salutatorian, a National Honor Society member, a Rogers Scholar, a Governor’s
School for Entrepreneurs alum, Academic Team Arts& Humanities regional
champion, active PRIDE Club and UNITE Club member, hospital volunteer,
Shakespeare enthusiast, music lover, and sweet-tea addict, and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to be when I get
older. And it’s all going to be okay.
