The Dreaded Question

“What do you want to be when you get older?” This simple question has the power to evoke more emotions in the average American teenager than a Pretty Little Liars season finale, or a March Madness upset. For all my life I’ve been asked this question over and over; however, there comes a point when the whole “first doctor-lawyer-ballerina in space” answer doesn’t quite cut it anymore. I’m there. I’m older. A high school graduate. An adult. Ever since I was little, I dreamed I’d just wake up one day and it would hit me like magic; I would go from being a naïve little kid to a career woman. I thought I would graduate from high school as Valedictorian, go to my dream Ivy League school, become a doctor, save the world, get married, have a dream house, and vacation in my free-time on my private island by the age of 25. I planned, dreamed, hoped, and soon came to expect every golden thing ever conjured up in my mind. Funny how life works. You can plan, dream, hope, and expect something all you want, but in the end, things don’t always go the way you plan.

You can be like me and have your life planned out - all the way to graduate school and your pediatric residency - by the time you are in eighth grade, only to have everything you expected fall completely apart at the last second of senior year. In an instant I have become the archetypal high school graduate I worked so hard to avoid- the one who has no clue what to do with the rest of their life or who they even are, for that matter. How do you go from seemingly having all the answers and the plan to having nothing- not even time- to go back and change a thing? Some say I should be thankful that my every dream and plan hopelessly crashed and burned at the last minute, maybe they’re right; however, I think my story of disappointments persuades them to give cheap advice to make up for their lost dreams and plans in the midst of their current mediocrity. Then again, maybe I’m just bitter.

Either way, here I am at midnight, writing about what my life has become- or hasn’t become- all while psychoanalyzing Taylor Swift lyrics. Which, oddly enough, brings me back to the question I posed at the beginning of this teenage girl’s angst-filled soliloquy: “What do you want to be when you get older?” I used to be able to quote my answer to this question front and back, “I want to become a pediatric nurse practitioner and start my own medical empire. I want to get my BSN degree from the University of Tennessee, my DNP from Vanderbilt, work at the Monroe Carrel Jr. Children’s Hospital and save a life.” Now my answer is, “I just want to be happy.” Perhaps it’s horribly selfish of me to change my dream from saving a life to focusing on myself, but I think it’s time I do something truly for my own good.

So whether you see me in ten years wearing the white lab coat I have always gushed about wearing or you see me writing my two sense about some irrelevant topic in an unread magazine, know that I am happy. My shattered dreams and plans have given me a new outlook on life. Whatever I choose to do, wherever I chose to go, whoever I chose to be will be focused on positive things. I refuse to be motivated by money, fame, social standings, or anything else detrimental to me; I want to be motivated by my passion and true inspiration for something. I plan on making mistakes and I know that this will be the most difficult thing I have ever done; however, I am hard-headed, stubborn, and more determined than ever and nothing is going to stop me from achieving whatever dream I decide. So, I’m finally beginning to realize that I don’t have to all the answers to be happy (although having answers is always good); all I need is to know who I am.

With that being said, I am Rebecca Dunmore, Somerset Christian Class of 2014 Salutatorian, a National Honor Society member, a Rogers Scholar, a Governor’s School for Entrepreneurs alum, Academic Team Arts& Humanities regional champion, active PRIDE Club and UNITE Club member, hospital volunteer, Shakespeare enthusiast, music lover, and sweet-tea addict, and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to be when I get older. And it’s all going to be okay.